Never let go
by mic
Summary: Tell what I think should happen in the feb. 20, 04 episode


What I think should happen next as of Feb. 19, 2004.  
  
Quick update. Harm has answered Mac's question "What would you give up to have me?" Not with words but with actions. He gave it all up. His career, his future, flying, quite possibly his life, and ultimately he gave her up. He did it all for her out of love only to be smacked in the face with rejection and have to watch her turn to someone that until then she had no romantic interest in. The ultimate heartache. They are just now readjusting to each other and finding the netural ground that they have lived in for so long.  
  
Harms apt PM  
  
Harm is sitting on his couch preparing for a case tomorrow when he hears a knock at his door.  
  
"Mac?" He says as he opens the door to find a nervous looking Marine standing on the other side. "Come in. Is everything al right?"  
  
"Yeah. I probably shouldn't have come. This was a mistake. I'm sorry." and she turns to leave.  
  
Harm grabs her by the arm a little scared now "Mac. It's me. What's wrong?"  
  
"I just didn't want to go home and I didn't know where else to go." Mac says a little nervous and self conscious.  
  
"Why didn't you want to go home?" Harm says knowing she's hiding something.  
  
"I think I'm being followed?" she states  
  
"What? Why?" Harm yelps  
  
"Its been about a week now? Sometimes its just this feeling that I'm being watched. I haven't seen anyone for sure yet. I just know." Mac stammers out  
  
"Have you told Webb?" Harm asks a little reluctantly  
  
"No but thats another reason I'm worried. I think he knows. I can't exactly explain it, just some things he has said and once I think I saw him outside my apartment late at night, but I couldn't be for sure." Mac says starting to feel a little self conscious  
  
"Mac stay here tonight....with me." Harm says, his voice full of concern and worry  
  
"I'm probably just being paranoid. Now that I have said it out loud it all sounds pretty silly." Mac says with a little chuckle.  
  
"Your instincts have never been wrong yet Mac. I don't want you to go." Harm's fear rising and the pit in his stomach slowly growing  
  
"Harm I'll be fine I'm not just a damsel in distress that needs you to save her, I'm a marine" Mac states a little proud  
  
"That's not fare Mac. It's not like that. I..."  
  
"I'm sorry Harm. I know. I'll be fine though. I'll see you in the morning. Thanks." Mac says as she turns to leave.  
  
"Mac, please." Harm pleads  
  
"Thanks Harm" Mac says and smiles as she turns and leaves.  
  
Harm sits there injesting everything that she has said and the dread grows deep inside and he knows that she's not imaging it. He has the same feeling that he had when she went to Paraguay. Within minutes his instincts are leading him to protect her. He heads to the bedroom for his gun and coat, stops to tell Mattie he's going to Mac's and heads out.  
  
Mac's apt 11pm  
  
She enters her apartment unable to shake the uneasy feeling she has had all night, dispite the front she put on for Harm. She truns and locks up, throughs her keys and her purse on the table as she looks around and decides a nice hot shower will calm her nerves. As she heads toward the bedroom her danger instinct kicks into overdrive but unable to put anything real with it she continues about her business. Then she sees it, just for a split second, a blur, then someone has their arm around her throat. Her Marine training kicks in and she begins to fight back, he throughs her across her night stand and onto the bed, she lets out a little scream as she falls and the lamp hits the floor.  
  
Harm pulls up to Macs apartment and sees the light flip on. He jumps out of his SUV and heads up determined to talk her into going back to his place. As he reaches her door he hears a scream and something hitting the floor. Frantically he trys to open the door and calls her name. A neighbor looks out at all the commotion. Harm yells "go back inside and call 911". He puts his shoulder to the door and continues calling for Mac determined to break the door down....  
  
When Mac falls to the bed she flips on her back to face her attacker...It's Sadiek! She realizes the depth of the situation and can hear Harm banging on her door.   
  
Sadiek glares "Your lover come to save you Sara McKenzie. All you American women are Hores. Maybe I will taste what all these men are willing to die for." He charges her. She kickes him away just befor he reaches her. She jumps up but before she can regain any real balance he's back on her he punches her square in the jaw, she drops back onto the bed. Hes on top of her within seconds his hands wrapped tightly around her throat. "You American women think you are so strong, so smart. You no not your place, and you will go to hell for it."   
  
As he is engrossed in the thrill of killing an American Mac reaches under her pillow and securlly wraps her hand around the loaded .38 that she placed there a week ago when she started to sence the danger. She jerks it out and inbetween them as she pulls the trigger. "Not before you?" she adds in relpy to his serman as she looks into his horror struck face as he staggers back off of her then falls to the floor.  
  
Harm can hear all the commotion outside as he frantically tried to bust the door down, then the gunshot. Pure adrenaline and panic set in as he hits the door one last time and it gives. He runs in to see a man lying on the floor of Mac's bedroom. "Mac! Mac!" He rounds the corner to see her sitting on the bed, white faced, staring at the body, with the gun in her hand. He runs to her "God Mac are you alright?" He drops down beside her and slowly takes the gun away "Mac, its me Harm." he whispers  
  
Her stare slowly lifts to his eyes and she slowly returns to reality "Harm it was Sadiek."  
  
"I know, it over now Sara. Did he hurt you ? We need to get you checked out."   
  
Just then Harm hears the Police at the front door and yells "We're back here and we need the paramedics."   
  
Harm finished telling what he knew about the situation to police while the paramedics checked on Mac. One came out and approached Harm "We are going to go a head and take her to the hospital for observation. She has a pretty big bump on her head that should be looked at" Shortly after everyone cleared out of the apartment. As Mac was leaving Harm told her that he would clean up and meet her at the hospital. Just as he was finishing up he heard footsteps running up the hall then Webb "Sara!"  
  
Harm turned on his heels, furious, and met Webb mid stride  
  
"Harm?" Was all he could get out  
  
"You bastart!" Was all Harm could get out before his fist met Webb's jaw.  
  
Webb dropped straight "What?"  
  
"You knew! You Son of a -----, you knew he was after her and you didn't do anything to protect her!" Harm belted. All of his emotions out of controll. All of his fear, his helplessness, his frustration, everything just simply exploding at the thought of what happened and what could have happened.  
  
"Harm I swear I didn't know he was going to be here tonight. We thought he was going to meet a new contact on the other side of town. When he didn't show I came straight here!" Webb retorted  
  
"You claim to love her. You don't know the first thing about love Webb. If you loved her you would have never put her in this situation. Your so called love is going to get her killed! First Paraguay now this. I'll kill you myself before I let you hurt her." Harm yell moving in on Webb to vent the rest of his anger  
  
"I had to Rabb. It's the only way I could get him!" Webb pleads  
  
Harm stops dead as it starts to come together "You used her, all this time you've been using her as bait, you set her up. You knew he would come after her because he thought you were dead. You knew he was in the States, hell you knew he was in town...You bastard...Never again!" Harm picks Webb up by the jacket collar and hits him again.  
  
"If you love her this much Harm why don't you just tell her!" Webb says as he tries in vain to avoid another blow. He falls back and lands slumped up against the wall  
  
"I tried, in Paraguay, remember Webb. . She was the one thing that I needed. I gave up everything else just to find her. But that wasn't enough was it? Because there you were?" Harm yells as he walks toward Webb to finish what he started. "You were using her, risking her life, she didn't deserve that, she's been through enough!!"  
  
"What does she deserve Harm? You?" Webb pants as he tries to get up off the floor.  
  
"I don't know Webb. All I know is that I loved her enough to put her first. What she wants is all that matters. Can you say the same thing?" Harm pants as he strikes Webb one last time.  
  
"Even when it breaks your heart Harm?" Webb says laying on the floor  
  
"Even when it hurts just to breath. She deserves that much." Harm pants as he stands totally defeated shoulders slumped panting for breath  
  
"So why don't you tell her." Webb says as he motions toward the door.   
  
Harm jerks around to see Mac standing at the door tears flowing down her cheeks.  
  
"I came back. I wanted to get my purse." Mac whispers  
  
"Sara, I...." Harm begins  
  
"Excuse me Miss, we really need to get you to the hospital" the paramedic interrupts as he walks down the hall.  
  
"Yea. I'm coming." Mac says as she turn to leave.  
  
"Mac... I'll see you at the hospital" Harm says with great effort to say anything at all, still in the state of shock that she has heard his deep secrets.  
  
Once Mac has left Harm sits down in and buries his head in his hands. "Hell."  
  
"She loves you too Rabb, your just to blind to see it." Webb says as he stands to leave.  
  
"What would you know about it Webb?" Harm asks sarcastically  
  
"I know she would never get involved with me or anyone else over the past year because of it." Webb spat.  
  
"What are you talking about? You two have been together since Paraguay." Harm questioned  
  
"No we haven't. Sure we've had dinner and went out a little but thats only because she is a very caring person and wants to make sure that I am al right, not to mention she feels like she owes me something. Man you really are thick Rabb." Webb retorts  
  
"Did she actually tell you that was the reason?"  
  
"She didn't have to, if you want to know all you have to do is look at her when you are around. Better yet why haven't you told her how you feel. That's what she deserves. Not all this half way stop short stuff. If you really love her like you say you do tell her or tell her you don't at least that way she can move on. Just tell her something" Webb says as he walks out the door wiping the blood from his lip.  
  
Harm sits there a while longer trying to process everything that has happened when the admirals voice snaps him out of his daze.  
  
"Harm where's Mac?" AJ asks  
  
"At the hospital. What are you doing here sir?" Harm asks a little confused  
  
"Webb called looking for you and told me to come over here." AJ responds  
  
"I'll fill you in on the way to the hospital"  
  
Mac's apt. 8pm  
  
It was a week before Harm found time alone with Mac. He stopped by every day but she always had visitors. He thought that he'd stop in late tonight hoping to catch her alone.  
  
Mac had just gotten out of the shower and was settling in for another night without sleep when she heard a knock at the door "Mac it's Harm." came from the other side . When she lets him in she can tell he's nervous and to her surprise she finds it hard to look him in the eyes, afraid that he might see something, her hope maybe.  
  
"How are you doing Mac?" Harm begins  
  
"Fine. A little hard to sleep at night though." She admits  
  
"You know your welcome to stay at my place for as long as you need." he offers  
  
"You know that wouldn't work Harm, but thank you any ways."   
  
"Mac about the other night... What you heard....I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to hear those things." He begins  
  
"Why are you sorry Harm?" Mac asks  
  
"You didn't need all that laid on you on top of everything else that was going on. I should have controlled myself better." He apologized  
  
"So controlled...so hard on yourself... why is that Harm?" Mac asks a little adjatated by the dying hope in her chest  
  
"I....What do you want from me Mac?" Harm asks a little confused He thought that he was doing what she wanted  
  
"You know what I want Harm? All your talk about what I deserve. Don't I at least deserve your honesty?"Mac half yells  
  
"Mac I am honest with you, but there are some things that go too deep, that you cant undo once let out." Harm answers defensively  
  
"You can't undo what's never been done in the first place Harm."Mac says as her voice begins to rise. Her hope has erupted into dispare and dispare into anger "You walk around like you can save the world, the big hero... but you can't even save yourself. You think you know what I need but you don't."  
  
"Mac I just want you to be happy. I don't want to hurt you..." Harm begins  
  
"If you want to see me happy then why won't you let me in Harm. Thats all I want. Trust me enough to let me in."  
  
"I tried in Paragua, you said you didn't want in Mac." Harm defends  
  
"No you opened the door then closed it in my face Harm. That hurt. I was scared. Everything happened so fast and I just wasn't ready for it."  
  
"What about now? Are you ready for it now Mac? Because once its out there is no going back to things the way they used to be. Its an all or nothing situation. Maybe thats selfish on my part but I cant go through Paragua every time your not ready."  
  
"Do you think I haven't hurt every time thay you have backed away from me? I hurt you and I am sorry but you've hurt me too, Austraila, after Mic left, Harm I have waited and waited for you. I want a life with a husband and kids and love..."Mac trails off  
  
"I want those things to...Forget it...I'm sorry that I hurt you Mac."Harm says as he turns away from her and toward the door.  
  
"Don't do this Harm! Please don't do this!" Mac crys  
  
Harm charges toward her closing any distance or route of escape for Mac "What do you want from me Sara? How do I tell you that I love you so much that its killing me. I can't stand to be away from you, but I can't stand to be with you either. You have made it clear that you aren't interested in me, and to be close to you like this and not touch you, it's hell . I catch your sent in the office and it literally steals my breath away. My heart races just knowing that your close. I dream about you at night. I can't start another relationship because its not you, no one will ever be you Mac!  
  
The feel of your hand accidently brushing mine, the way you look in your black dress, the way you look when your angry, and your smile...you absolutely haunt me and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I have never felt anything that ran so deep and takes hold so completelly. I have no controll over it. The more that I try to stop it the more it grows. So you tell me how am I supposed to tell you all that, then walk into the office tomorror like it never happened?" Harm lets out a little sigh exhausted by his confession eyes burning with pent up emotion  
  
"Your not. But if you ever did tell me something like that then I would have to tell you that I love you to." With that her own eyes spilled over and before she knew it she was wrapped up in a kiss that told everything that they couldn't all these years.......... 


End file.
